Who Are We, I Necked
Today marks the end of my life written into Virginia Law books
I now have 2 Life sentences and 28 years without a chance of Parole
Exposed to the world as relief from execution,
but today I’ve felt so emotionally necked
that my own tears burned my eyes
and my anxieties were so out of control that I felt like everyone could see me,
See me behind my emotional wall that I hide necked,
Fearful of showing my vulnerability
having built this wall to protect me
from the very judgments that destroy my inability to connect openly,
I was weighed down with one thought today
how do I do this?
How does anyone of us do this?
Life that’s given
whether birth into suffering or given millions that never seem to build character,
We are all emotionally necked in some form or another,
A blur of memories,
wondering how did I get so overwhelmed,
how did I become this person
who doesn’t deserve another chance at freedom,
I’ve laid awake asking myself
what does it mean to exist in a prison within an emotional prison?
I feel wholeheartedly I am more than all my failures,
Yet No one hears of the help I truly needed,
Being necked sucks
So I strive to cover it up as far as my exposed emotions
but how do you cover something so raw
that touching it with anything is a pain so real it colors my perspective of reality,
So I ask who can we be truly necked with in our everyday Lives?!
By Thomas Porter
Everything Thomas writes feels like it comes raw from his soul, you can sense what he’s going through, feel his pain and despair. Depression is very real in prison, and there’s little to no help. Redemption is also real, but in prison one is judged for the deed one did in the past, even if the present self is no longer part of his/her past self.
We all know that people are redeemable, but in prison no one seems to pay any attention to redemption. It’s as if we consider inmates a “different” breed of humanity, but the truth is that every single one of us has the capacity of violence when thoroughly provoked.
We are all rooting for the heroes in movies to kill the bad guy who is hurting them. “Yeah, good job!” “Finally” but in real life those people are called criminals.
We love watching the heist in Ocean 13, and it’s all OK, but in real life it wouldn’t be so funny and you wouldn’t have as much sympathy for the ones doing the heist.
Thomas is punished for what he did over 15 years ago. He is not the man he was back then, as you can see in his poems. He has paid enough for his crime. The man I write and speak to on the phone is kind, gentle, and he regrets what happened. He enjoys good conversations and he says he is always smiling when we talk on the phone. He wants a simple, quiet life.
No crime should go unpunished, but no redemption should be ignored either. If authorities still want to punish the man I just described, then they should take a good, long look in the mirror and ask themselves how they, in all honesty, can call themselves righteous and fair.
Thomas has paid hard for what he did, very hard. Let him go now.