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Life After an Emotionally Abusive Relationship – I’m Free!

sea-lonely

Yesterday I called a friend of my ex boyfriend, not because I want my ex back, because I don’t, but to share something which I thought could help him with his issues. His friend told me: “We can’t help him if he doesn’t want to be helped.”

you

That friend also shook me up a little roughly – albeit on the phone ;-), and I honestly needed that roughening up. He told me that my ex had gone too far and that I should tell him to f”ck off. He was direct and crude, which I appreciated. After I hung up, I thought, “man, I needed to hear that”. Because he’s right. So many women (and also men can be victims) stay in abusive relationships and even cling to few good memories, hoping it can be as wonderful as it used to be, but it won’t …

We need to respect ourselves, value ourselves for who we are, know that we deserve better, much better. Why should we allow anyone to drag us down, to imprison our spirit, to take our joy, to not let you be you? Why should we be nervous about expressing what we don’t like, fearing possible anger or retribution? If he doesn’t respect you now, he won’t respect you in the future. No one should ever accept such treatment from anyone. You are worth a lot more than that. You deserve more and better than that!

respect-yourself

Is this truly love or is this a dependency? Love or an emotion or hot sex that glues you to this abuser? If he (or she) loved you, he/she would never treat you like that. And if he loved himself, he would never let something good get away, but he does, he destroys the beauty you once shared, and nothing but sweet memories on a heap of ashes are left …

That is not love.

He already revealed the darkness in him, and he is only out to steal your light. Do not ever let him. Don’t ever let anyone steal your light.

I do appreciate the inspiration my ex gave me for my poems. I wrote it in Spanish again, but I will provide the English translation. It is interesting that I write my books in English, but when it comes to poetry, I turn to Spanish.

Please note that this is free style poetry, the spoken voice like it’s done in poetry slams. I don’t follow any poetry rules. I have always written poetry that way and I’m glad that the rising popularity of poetry slams allows me to finally share my pieces of the spoken word.

This poem is dedicated to anyone who has been in, left, or is leaving an abusive relationship.

English Version (I took a few liberties with the translation, in the attempt to make it rhyme. For example, “evil fart” is not an insult I usually use, but it does the rhyming job 😉 .)

los-cabos-bird

I’m Free

How I enjoy listening to my music,

Classics like funk, metal, and rock,

Without your complaints that it makes you sick

Your reggaeton mind doesn’t get those songs.

 

How I enjoy being me,

Singing in the car

My music my steady company,

And the ocean, not far

 

The highway takes me

Side by side with the glistening sea

Sky crystals that are reborn in water

And I, reborn with my music,

My courage to have freedom of speech,

Speak with no fear of your rage

Free to be me

music

I thank you for the view

that your cold heart allowed me

I thank you for letting me see

the black cape that covers your soul

like the cloud hides the sun

Your pride of your malice

Your stupidity and ignorance of goodness

Go to hell and ruin your own life

Alone, because you’ll never have company

Don’t cloak the love in my heart

with your imprisoned spirit, you evil fart

 

I am free

Flying like a bird

Leaving behind the ruthless hunter

The rifle, falling from his hands,

Softly touching the earth

You don’t hear,

since your eyes watch the strength of my wings

in shock, perhaps even fear

And there I go, far from you

Leaving behind a boy

A man you won’t be

I feel relief

My strength which took you by surprise

My life awaits me

And at last I tell you, goodbye!

gun

version español

Soy Libre

Como disfruto escuchar mi musica

Que tu mente de reggaeton no capta

Clasicos de funk, metal, y rock

Sin tus quejas y lamentos

 

Como disfruto ser yo,

Cantar en el carro

En la compania de mi musica

Y el oceano a mi lado

wave

La carretera me lleva

En constante compania del brillo de las olas

Cristales del cielo que renacen en el agua

Y yo, renaciendo con mi musica

Mi valor de tener libertad de expresion

Hablar, sin miedo de tu rabia

Libre para ser yo

 

Te agradezco el vistazo

Que me diste en tu frio corazon

Te agradezco dejarme ver

La capa negra que cubre tu alma como la nube el sol

Tu orgullo de tu maldad

Tu estupidez y ignorancia de la bondad

Pudrete, y vete a arruinar tu propia vida

Solo, porque tu nunca tendras compania

Ya no cubres el amor en mi corazon

Con tu espiritu enjaulado, cabron.

 

Yo soy libre

Volando como un ave

Dejando atras el cazador cruel

El rifle, cayendo de tus manos

Tocando la tierra con un toque suave

Que no oyes, ya que tus ojos miran la fuerza de mis alas,

Con asombro, tal vez miedo

Y ahi voy, lejos de ti

Dejando atras un niño

Hombre no sera

Siento el alivio en mi

Mi fuerza que te sorprendio

Mi vida me espera

Yo por fin te digo, adios!

life

Lila C Duville

10 Comments

  1. I am very proud of you for what you have overcome.  You did nothing to deserve to be treated that way!

    I am sure there are a lot of women out there in similar situations.

    I think your article and your poem are beautiful and I commend you for sharing your story to help other women.  I think you are amazing!

    love, Alisha

    • Hi Alisha,

      Thank you for your wonderful comment. No one should be treated like that, so I hope that this blog may help in some way …

    • Your expression of freedom from oppression of a narcissist ex resonates with me, it is a healing process, and we must be patient and kind and loving to ourselves and embrace our life and all the beauty around us in people and nature

      • Hi Stella,
        Very true, it is a healing process in which we must be patient and kind to ourselves, and find our way back to ourselves.
        Thank you for your comment 😊

  2. I really enjoyed reading your blog as it is something that resonates with me on a personal level.  A few years ago I ended an abusive relationship even though I was absolutely terrified about what life after an emotionally abusive relationship would be like but I feel more free than ever.  For me it was the catalyst that caused me to heal an old childhood wound therefore I am thankful even though I would not wish an abusive relationship on anyone.  

    • Hi Pamela,

      I am glad you got out of that relationship. Although it can be hard at first, the freedom you feel is incomparable, like a heavy burden that fell of your shoulders, isn’t it?

  3. Hi, life can be complicated, and relationships are an emotional roller coaster.  Getting “emotionally” abused can defenitly happen, and it can happen on both sides.

    Life can be so stressful and rough, then we have to deal with all the hardship that comes with an abusive relationship and just be expected to “shrug it off” when in fact this is planet earth, and it can be harder then that.

    I still remember all of my past relationships and I myself have been through an abusive relationship[, and I myself in my darker days of my life was “borderline abusive” to a past ex girlfriend. I was selfish, and it happens.

    We do not realize the effect that we have on other people, and they do not realize the effect that they have on us.

    The only advice I could give anybody coming from an emotional break up is to reminds yourself that you are deserve much more out of life.

    You deserve to be treated the right way, and if not then walking away is the way to do it. There are plenty of good people out there. 

    Best wishes

    • Hi Jake,

      Thank you for your thoughts. It is true, we all deserve better from life, and if we are not given the love and respect we deserve, then walk away. There are indeed plenty of good people out there 🙂 I agree!

  4. Hi Lila,
    Wow, what a beautiful poem! I really enjoyed reading it! You should make a book of poems in my opinion…

    And yes, I agree that if someone in our life is always trying to bring us down, or thinking our opinions on things don’t matter, it’s best to leave that person to their own devices…you’re definitely right, if they don’t show respect of the things we enjoy, that doesn’t seem like love to me.

    We all need to be able to talk freely about the things we enjoy, do things we love and listen to the music we love too whether our supposed “loved” one likes those same things or not…nobody usually likes exactly the same things, but love is understanding that each person in a relationship has their own likes and dislikes and not to criticize them for it.

    Glad to hear you’re now free of this person! I know sometimes it can be hard to leave, not knowing what might be ahead, but we all need to be able to live our life the way we’d want it to be. Nobody deserves to live a life in fear of making someone angry about things such as expressing our opinions or listening to music they don’t understand…totally get you on the music thing, btw….I love listening to rock and metal myself.

    As you say, it’s good to be “free to be me!” and I believe this will help others to realize that they don’t need to live this way either. It’s best to move on and in doing so new doors will open to find the right one that will treat us as we should be… with love and respect!

    Thanks for sharing, Lila!
    Best wishes ~Sherry

    • Hi Sherry,

      Thank you for your beautiful comment. You know, I was actually thinking of publishing a book with my poems. I’ll definitely do it. I do hope that this poem may help or inspire anyone who finds him or herself in such a situation. We should be “free to be ourselves”.

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