Depression is, unfortunately, still not taken seriously enough, in the free world or in the world behind bars. Inmates suffering from depression, however, have none to limited options to deal with it – if they decide to handle it at all. Without the adequate professional help, most allow the darkness to swallow them up and keep them captive indeterminately.
Imagine, being a prisoner, not only once but twice; first, behind bars, and secondly, imprisoned in your own mind.
Thomas Alexander Porter who is currently serving a life sentence in Virginia sent me his thoughts on depression, which I will share here below.
I Acknowledge My Depression
By Thomas Porter
I’ve felt like sh*t for many years of my life, mentally and emotionally never knowing why or what, just that something was off.
I’ve overreacted to something so small to the point that I asked myself where that came from. Yet I gave in to the thought that I’m just having a bad day.
You see, depression is complicated for me because for as long as I can remember I was taught Black people don’t get depressed, we just handle our pains in a painful silence.
I’ve tried to speak to family once and was laughed off, given a saying I found myself ignorantly accepting for far to long of my life: Depression, “oh that’s white people issues” …
Yet, I acknowledge now that Depression values No Color nor does it come alone. By the time its presence is felt, It moves shapelessly into the very depths of our spirits, transforming us into unrecognizable creations.
I’ve battled with depression and his Warriors anxiety, anxiousness, and hopelessness feeling the overwhelming emotional weight they all had over me.
I’ve longed for relief, but that’s the thing … Depression is a powerful form of metabolism. This means that the sum of depression and its warriors are so capable of building up negative thoughts, causing the chemical changes in our living positivity when these cells are heavily affected, Oh my God!
I’ve been made to believe through depression I wasn’t worth living for and was being pushed emotionally to end my life jumping off the edge they had created in my mind and spirit.
Depression and its Warriors didn’t acknowledge Our very own Team of Warriors from #TeamStayStrong! and #TeamStayHealthy! meaning that our abilities to understand objectivity and subjectivity, the two opposing, approaches the question of how individuals interact with the external world.
Both arise from the assumption that the object that is experienced and the subject having the experience are distinct, and that one side or the other is more fundamental to the equation.
Objectivity holds that the world’s inherent qualities determine the observer’s experience and can be accurately perceived. Subjectivity holds that one’s own perspective brings more experience than is inherent in the world and colors one’s judgment of it.
What I am saying here is we can either submit to the wills of depression and his warriors or fight the good fight, enduring and learning to live with, recognizing our limitations, and seeking aid for this War of Depression – which is a never ending Battle!
TeamStayStrong and TeamStayHealthy, Our members Acknowledge our depressions, whether big or small, we fight together for a Healthier U.
What would happen if God did answer every selfish request on the merit of our secrets that we don’t reveal? What would be given? How many times have we’ve acted like children and cried out unto him while knowing the wickedness that’s hidden within our thoughts, on our tongues, and within spiritual hearts,
The Most High is beyond games, lies, cons, and hollow devotion when things are so called good, Whereby when things are an emotional Sh*t Storm, where is that devotion?
So let’s focus on more asking “The Most High, What Can We Do For You!”
As always, Thomas’s words are raw and heartfelt. Somehow, he always knows how to hit the hammer on the nail. What are your thoughts about today’s writing? Let me know in the comments below.
Thank you for reading!