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Hoy Fue La Ultima Vez – Today Was The Last Time

I was invited to participate in a poetry slam. I thought, ok, why not? Although I write books and short stories, and I hardly ever indulge in poetry, I thought why not give a shot? So, I wrote a poem, inspired by a recent experience. It’s written in Spanish, since the slam was organized in Los Cabos, Mexico, and although I could have participated in English, I preferred to do it in Spanish. (for the English translation of my poem, please scroll down to the bottom)

Then, I backed out. I couldn’t see myself perform at a slam with many others who were experienced in it. I had never been part of a poetry slam before, and the concept is still new to me. First I thought to face my fear and just go for it, but perhaps I should get more experience first? I still have time to think about it though, a few days. In the meantime, here is my poem.

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Español – Hoy Fue La Ultima Vez

Hoy fue la ultima vez que me lastimaste,
La ultima vez que me hiciste sentir menos,
La ultima vez que escupiste en mi corazon.

Hoy fue la ultima vez que me mentiste,
Y yo me ruego a mi mismo, desiste …
Tu voz se ira al olvido
Mi amor, lo que hemos vivido …
Ya no buscare tu aprobacion,
Ni te complacere con otra explicacion
Que tu mente oscura se niega a comprender.

Hoy fue la ultima vez que me lastimaste,
La ultima vez que me hiciste sentir menos,
La ultima vez que escupiste en mi corazon.

Hoy no fue la ultima vez que pense en ti.
Mi corazon no te ha soltado
Te extraño mas que nunca
Sabes que los recuerdos hermosos abundan
Pero el camino de regreso no lo encontraras facil
Al menos que tu alma busque liberarse de tu enojo
Hoy fue la ultima vez que te pedi
buscar tu propia luz,
Para apagar la oscuridad de tu pasado
Que siempre me escoge para ponerme debajo de ti …

Hoy fue la ultima vez que me tocaste con tu rencor,candle
La ultima vez que tu ira me causa temblor
La ultima vez que me recuperaste con los talentos de tus manos
Y la dulzura de tus labios
Como podemos si no ves el camino a la luz?
Hoy fue la ultima vez que encendí la vela en tu oscuridad.

Hoy fue la ultima vez que me lastimaste,
La ultima vez que me hiciste sentir menos,
La ultima vez que escupiste en mi corazon.

Y hoy por primera vez levanto el rostro
Y me baño en la luz del sol
La luz de la esperanza,
La luz del Universo
Y la luz de mi alma,
Dejo que el sol seque mis lagrimas,
Que el viento evapore mi decepcion,
Y que el agua del rio se lleve mi rabia.
Hoy es la primera vez que siento paz,
Me libere de tu ira.
Valgo mas de lo que siento por ti
Valgo mas que cargar el peso de tu pasado,
Y los demonios que te torturan.
Porque si valgo
Valgo mucho
Hoy fue la ultima vez que sufri por ti.

English – Today Was The Last Time

 

Today was the last time you hurt me,
The last time you made me feel like less
The last time you spat on my heart

Today was the last time you lied to me
And I beg myself, stop …
Your voice will be forgotten
My love, what we have been through …
No longer do I search your approval,
Nor will I satisfy you with another explanation
Which your dark mind refuses to understand.

Today was the last time you hurt me,
The last time you made me feel like less
The last time you spat on my heart

Today was not the last time I thought of you,sad
My heart has not released you
I miss you more than ever
You know there is an abundance of sweet memories
But you won’t find an easy way back to it
Unless your soul frees itself from its rage
Today was the last time that I asked you
to find your own light,
To turn off the darkness of your past
That always chooses me to punish

Today was the last time that you touched me with your grudge
The last time that your anger causes me to tremble
The last time that you won me back with the talents of your hands
And the sweetness of your lips
How can we, if you do not see the way to the light?
Today was the last time that I lit a candle in your darkness

Today was the last time you hurt me,
The last time you made me feel like less
The last time you spat on my heart

And today for the first time I lift my face
And I bathe in the light of the sun
The light of hope
The light of the universe
And the light of my soul
I let the sun dry my tearshope
Let the wind evaporate my disappointment
And I let the river take my anger.
Today is the first time that I feel peace
I freed myself from your rage
I am worth more than what I feel for you
Worth more than the weight of your past
And the demons that torture you
I have worth
Much worth
Today was the last time I suffered for you.

 

 

Lila C Duville

36 Comments

  1. I really liked your poem and can certainly relate, many times unfortunately. It took me awhile to break free and heal. My parents and I say they should come with a warning label. 

    My new mantra … I am free to be me 😁

    I’ve always been interested in poetry although I’m not able to write them but it is on my bucket list.

    • Thank you, Yes, I wrote it to share, because I know that many go through this, and it is painful. It takes a while to break free and heal. Warning labels, I’m all for it, put them on men 😉 right?

  2. I love your poem: Today was the last time. It is a very emotional masterpiece. 

    Your particular verse that stated “you won’t find an easy way back to it” reminded me of my own experience as you also stated that there were “an abundance of sweet memories”. 

    My experience of ups and downs in a loving relationship is mirrored in this poem especially the thoughts that go through my mind at those ugly times in the valley. 

    Thanks for this beautiful poem. I will share it now.

    • Hi Chris, Thank you for your words. Ugly times in the valley, that is well phrased, and true, isn’t it? Thank you very much for sharing this 🙂 

  3. Lila, you are so very talented. I loved your poem. It is beautiful. I’m not sure if I know what a slam really is. Is a slam a competition of some sort? If so, your poem is sure to win.  I know it might be scary to share it with people but, when it comes to fears, sometimes we just need to put ourselves out there. Your poem should be shared with the world.

    • A slam is a show where poets perform their poems, either singing, rapping, or acting it. That is the part that scares me, not presenting it, I am not afraid to be on stage, but how I am expected to present it that is why I’m a little nervous about it 😉 

  4. Your poem rings true to all of us who have been in that situation. The pain and loss of self worth we go through being objected to abuse day after day. Sure there are good times, but the bad multiply them out. The heart and mind take time to transform out of the “usual” words we internalized. BUT WE can come out. Thank you for sharing this and I know it will help others as well.

    Melissa

  5. I can relate to this so very much. Sometimes Lila, we find ourselves in situations where we keep being a victim and what keeps us there is a little hope that things will change. One day we have to wake up to the reality that we deserve better and declare that day the last day. Brilliant, Inspiring and beautifully expressed !

  6. I realty like this poem, thank you for sharing! I feel that many of us can relate to it. Many face situations like this and need to be reminded of their worth. I believe this poem will help others. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful poem. You are very talented.

  7. I read the English version and I think it’s a very good poem. It does a good job of describing the emotions that are usually felt by someone leaving an abuser. I especially like the aspect of simply refusing to be abused any more, and of looking forward to a brighter future.

    • Thank you! 

      Yes, leaving is hard, but it is such a courageous act, and after leaving the abuse behind there can only be hope 🙂

  8. That was so touching, it grabbed my heart. You are a very talented writer and should not be afraid to share this Beautifully written poem with the world. There are so many people out there that need to hear your words. You can feel what your saying while reading it! That is a Gift! 

    • Thank you very much, Renea! I may still go to the poetry slam 😉 still thinking about it.

  9. Wow, what a beautiful piece this is, I’m a very big fan of slam poetry and I really love indulging in the art of it. It’s always hard to make the kind of decisions painted in this poetry, breaking free from the chains that held you down pretending to be love, now deciding that it’s the last time is a very courageous act. This poetry has more words in it than just the number of words in here, it’s a voice for women, voice for personal love, voice that clamour that they deserve to be loved in the right way. I’ve really enjoyed reading through, this just made my day.

  10. I was actually scared i would miss a whole chunk of slam poetry when I saw I couldn’t translate it to English but thanks goodness I checked what you wrote about English at far end. It’s really lovely to have this before me and believe me, you’ve done an aesthetically job here, with he way you pass your message and following the lines is strong, the theme is also interesting about a woman releasing herself form the bondage of torture that looks like love. I’ll share it with my friends who loves poetry. It’s a great pleasure to read this, it’s been a while.

    • Thank you! It is indeed hard to free oneself from the bondage of abusive love. I hope this theme will help other people.

      Thank you for sharing!

    • Hi Jodene,
      Thank you so much for your comment. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time right now … I hope things will get better soon.
      This morning I signed up for the poetry slam, so I will participate. I am doing it 🙂

  11. I amazed at the power of your words with the poem. Thank you so much for putting these emotions that so many of us have felt into something so beautiful and meaningful. I hope you continue to share this to the world so others can be empowered by your words.

    • Hi Kay,
      Thank you very much! I will keep on sharing, and tomorrow I am participating in the poetry slam. I decided to do it! 🙂 Wish me luck! 🙂

  12. I am a blogger and I always try to find better ways to inspire myself as well as improve my writing skills. I’ve never participated in these kind of events because I do not feel confident enough, although I created some poetry and wrote some short stories. These were only for me and I do not feel like sharing them.

    I really liked your poem. It is obvious you have talent and I can only admire that. Is writing something you enjoy doing and are you schooled in this area?

    Strahinja.

    • Hi Strahinja,

      I love writing, I have always written stories since I was 6 years old. I haven’t written much poetry, but I ventured into that area for this event, and I really enjoyed doing it. 

      You should participate in such events, I think many people do not feel confident enough, but have in fact beautiful pieces to share. Share what you write with the world 🙂 

  13. “Ya no buscare tu aprobacion, Ni te complacere con otra explicación” I absolutely loved that specific part. I write poetryas well but I could never face anyone and jus recite one. Just the fact that you even got the chance to write this beautiful piece, that alone, is an amazing accomplishment. You’re really good. I hope you know that. Also, are you fluent in Spanish? I really enjoyed the Spanish version (that’s my native language). It sounds like your poem was really personal so, I hope you’re doing okay. Thank you for sharing this with the world! 

    • Hi Stephanie,

      Yes, I speak fluent Spanish, I live in Mexico, and this poem is indeed very personal to me. It is about my ex boyfriend … I’m doing ok now, it always takes time to heal from such things, but I am focusing on positive things. 

      That’s so great that you also write poetry! I know it can be nervewrecking to present it, since most poetry is so very personal, but you should share what you write with the world 🙂 

  14. Hello Lila!

    The poem is expressive, it looks like it’s coming from the deep of your heart and soul. If you are passionate about poetry, then you should not desist – with further dedication, practice and also courage you will also overcome your fear of participating in slams or contests. Maybe joyful poems will also boost your mood, since “Today was the last time” expresses sadness :).

    As for the poem, I noticed that sometimes rhymes are present and sometimes they are not. However, this opinion is coming from a computer programmer who is also hardware-passionated, so I am not in the best position to evaluate other people’s talents in poetry. Wish you good luck!

    Peter

    • Hi Peter,

      The good thing about poetry slams is that there are no rules. You can rhyme or you don’t have to rhyme, so I took my liberties here 😉 I actually really poetry like that, with more freedom, instead of being bound by rules, but that’s just my opinion 🙂 

      Recently I wrote another type of poem, and that one was funnier, I presented it in another poetry slam last week and it made the audience laugh, for which I am very grateful. Perhaps I should share it here soon 🙂 

  15. I have loved and enjoyed your poem today is the last time because by it I you have put my heart at rest since I have been in to much pain and couldn’t get rid of it, but by your poem I have got revealed because of the beautiful and interesting words in it. All in all the poem is about forgetting someone and move on which is revealing someone from stress. Thanks very much for this wonderful poem keep writing many. 

    • Hi Mugalu, 

      Thank you very much! This poem came from the bottom of my heart and soul. If it helped you put your heart at rest, then I’m very glad 🙂

  16. Wow, this poem is a great piece describing the release from an abusive situation. I too have been there and stayed way too long. Your comparisons to nature is a great way to explain the emotions and trauma we feel. It is well done. I would love to hear you read this because you would put the proper inflexion on the right parts. I look forward to the possibility of reading the poem that is the follow up to this one. You do have a great skill in writing poetry.

    • Hi Lovey,

      Thank you very much! I actually wrote a follow up poem, two of them. Maybe I’ll post them here soon too. Finding release from an abusive situation is hard, especially after staying too long, right? I can understand that. I’m glad you found a way out of it. 

  17. Hello lila c duville I really love your poem. especially this was especially this verse”The last time that you won me back with the talents of your hands…..”because I am a big fan of love pieces. I have also tried and failed many times in my Poetry work but with this I think I have enough strength to press on. Thanks again Lila.

    • Hi David,

      Always press on. Writing poetry isn’t always easy, I find that one really has to be inspired. It isn’t like writing fiction, it is a lot different, isn’t it? For fiction, I can just start writing, but for poetry, I need to find the exact right inspiration and if it’s at a particular moment, I have to stop what I’m doing and write it all down or record my voice, so I don’t lose my inspiration. Is it that way for you? 

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