Stereotypes, stereotypes, come and judge the stereotypes. Do blondes have more fun? Are they natural or dyed blondes who seem to have such an easy-peasy life? Huh … What a silly question, and yet, it has been bothering and affecting me for most of my life.
I’m a blonde, and I don’t think I have more fun than a redhead, brunette, or black-haired woman. Why in the world should that depend on a frigging hair color?
The Pain That Stereotypes Can and Will Cause
You see, I hate stereotypes, and people tend to judge by appearances, even the ones who say they don’t.
I’ve often come across the patronizing men and women who treated me like a bimbo because of the way I look. I am 5.11, slim, have blue eyes and dark blond curly hair, and I’m nice (which many confuse with an easy target …) .
This bimbo here speaks 6 languages (5 of them fluently), manages 5 websites, has traveled extensively, climbed mountains as high as 3000 meters, fought a corrupt mayor to close down a decrepit zoo, rescued hundreds of animals and found homes for them, and teaches in junior high and high school.
Nonetheless, the condescending weaklings that like to talk down to me are always rampant and whenever they can they won’t pass up the chance to make this blond woman feel what it’s like to be at the bottom. Because apparently I have “no idea” or I “need to learn to be at the bottom”.
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Stop Judging
People judge right away and when the opportunity to hurt is there, they will use it, especially against someone who looks like she’s “had it easy all her life”.
I haven’t had it easy all my life. On the contrary, I was raised with abuse and no love. I married a man to escape my oppressive home and ended up with someone who knocked me around even more. After he beat me into the hospital, I ran away from him and filed for divorce. I have traumatic amnesia which is the mind’s defense system against extreme abuse and violence.
People, stop judging others based on their looks. I have known so many people (especially women) who just loved to hurt me, just because they thought they could. Women take one look at me and turn mean. Seriously, it makes no sense.
If everyone knew everyone else’s back story, no one would hurt others. Or perhaps there would be less malice.
And even if there is no history of abuse and even if someone’s life or upbringing has been peachy, that still doesn’t give anyone the right to mess with them. Not ever!
When the Abused “Dare” to Defend Themselves
When I am done with abuse and I stand up for myself, I am called “the conflictive one” or “the crazy one”. When I defend myself people act all shocked as if I were the aggressor. None of it makes any sense. Whatever pain others can cause and they can get away with, they will do it, especially against a woman who happens to be nice.
The only way that people will stop mistreating you is when you stop being nice. Sad, isn’t it? Friendliness is underrated in society and it sucks. What is wrong with people? Why does someone have to be harsh to make sure they don’t hurt her? Why can’t people return friendliness with friendliness? Why lash out viciously just because someone thinks he or she can?
Nothing makes sense.
And don’t get me started on the dumb blonde jokes.
Do blondes have all the fun? Nope, this one didn’t. For decades this one happened to be a scapegoat for all the frustration and insecurities weak people felt, and this blonde is done with it.
Stop stereotyping, stop dumping your anger on others, stop blaming others for your own issues. Can we all please do that or at least make an effort to?
Reasons Why People Put Others Down
- Jealousy, low self-esteem
- to make themselves feel important
- to make others like them (by making their victims the topic of a joke, for example …)
- to feel in control
- to get attention
- finding an outlet for their own stress, anxiety, or anger by knocking others to the ground
- even to destroy someone’s self-esteem, belittling them to weaken their assertiveness
- because of a low social and emotional intelligence (source: AnxiousRethink)
- pre-conceived notion of stereotypes and how they “should be treated” (which is what this post is about, basically)
- people who can’t handle disagreements in a mature manner
By Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels
Kowing the reasons definitely helps to deal with it, but it doesn’t excuse this behavior. It also doesn’t make up for all the pain that has been caused because of it. It is, however, important to know that sometimes the best treatment you can give is absolute silence. Words will often be a waste of time and energy.
Quote by Mardy Hale: “Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.”
Final Thoughts
I remember an excerpt from a book I read last year, and in it the author recalled a meeting with a Swedish man. The man was tall, blond, handsome, and exuded confidence and success. The author commented on his looks and how easy it must make things for him – I can’t recall the exact words and I can’t find the passage in the book (it’s a paperback) – but I do remember the Swedish man’s reply.
He answered: “You know, you’d think so, but it’s not. Everyone expects so much more from me, and then when they get to know me they realize I’m just like everyone else with my strengths but also weaknesses, and they turn away disappointed.”
Oh dear, I can relate.
People always tend to expect too much from attractive people, as if they were incredibly successful because of their looks or they could elevate someone’s status. Then, when it turns out they can’t or that they are not as perfect as perceived, people turn away from them, disappointed.
I’ve known plenty of good-looking men and women who were unbelievably arrogant. It was like, really, could their noses get stuck any higher? It’s hard to deal with them too and I can’t stand such people either. I have to agree with you there. Unfortunately, though, I believe that in many cases arrogance is a defense mechanism to ward off any unwanted attention or attacks.
Quote by Ziad K. Abdelnour: “Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.”
A more aggressive or conceited attitude has often protected me from that too. It provides a strong shield where any verbal (or other) slight bounces off. However, I hate putting on this armor. I wish people could just return niceties with niceties, respect with respect, and leave their issues within themselves and not splashed on others they feel “deserve a harsh lesson”.
No one deserves hatred based on how they look or the mistaken idea their physical appearance may give you. Underneath it all, we are the same.
I know that few will have sympathy for this post, because it’s about attractive blonde women, but I think you should try to see the other side of the coin. The idiotic (and ignorant) stereotyping of blondes has hurt me in my life – for decades – to such an extent that I still can’t write about certain events, because they are too painful.
Just because people who may look like me have hurt you or made you feel insecure in the past doesn’t give you the right to hurt me in retaliation. It makes no sense, and in the end, anyone who vents that rage on others is no better than the ones who caused that rage in them.
And does that anger really come from others or does it perhaps smolder within a bowl of insecurities and weakness?
No one should carry the burden of others, burdens which are taken out and dumped on people who look like “they should take it”.
Just stop.
The bashing of people who look like “they’ve had it easy all their lives and therefore we should hurt them” has to stop. I can bet you that there are plenty of men and women who go through this too. I’m not the only one.
Has this ever happened to you? Have people treated you badly just because your appearance gave them the wrong idea? Has it happened repeatedly, for years and years? How do you cope with it? Have you taken steps to stop it?
Christine,
I’m sorry that you’ve dealt with this your whole life. I haven’t had people treat me anyway because of my looks, but I also wasn’t coined as “pretty” until I was out of college.
But, I’m a people watcher, and I’ve watched people treat others, like they have you, my whole life. I just looked at it from the outside, and simply felt bad. I will say though, that throughout school, I did try to friend girls that I felt were treated poorly by the guys, but, I was a geek and was shunned for trying.
My brother was the popular one, so I saw how the kids treated each other from post sides of the spectrum. The girls that considered themselves above others, because of their so-called rank in status, i.e., cheerleaders, and then the jocks always vying for attention with these girls. I will say, it didn’t matter what they looked like or the color of their hair, they were all sought after because they were cute and popular.
Then, you have me and my tiny little group of friends. Always hanging out at the bottom of a dirt path in the woods, away from the school parking lots and all the jabs that came with it. No, we decided that hanging out on tree branches was the better route for us, where we could talk about upcoming work or what our plans were that weekend. Most likely, going to our friends James’ house where we would smoke pot and play magic, the card game.
I didn’t consider myself the ugly duckling or anything, but, I can tell you, guys stayed far away from me. But that was how I liked it, actually. I found that the guys that attempted some sort of “flirting” were often shallow and mindless. Instead, they would fly through the cheer leading squad with a swiftness that was always a wonder. I never had respect for the girls that attempted popularity through sexual means. But, they did it, and they did it well. My brother was a testament to that. So much so, that they would actually ask me when he planned on going to their house that night to see them. I would attempt to have a catchy come back to tell them, they weren’t the only ones, and they would laugh like it was funny. Sad.
I rarely had girl friends growing up, and to this day, I still rarely have girl friends. In fact, I have one friend, really, that I can call to come over and have some drinks with me. Julio. I have my husband of course, and as always, he has a huge group of friends that I hang with as a by-product of my husband. He was also very popular in school and not near as guarded as myself.
I find I rarely like to tell people much about me, even as I’m nearing 41 this year. I simply don’t trust people in general (never have in fact) and find them usually after a separate agenda than what they tell you. Don’t get me wrong, the group my husband is close friends, I do call them “friends”, but, if my husband were to go on a trip for a month, I can guarantee, I wouldn’t see them for a month. Simply because, the calls come to my husband’s phone, and he simply asks me if we have plans. I love to smile my small smile at him when he asks, because he knows I don’t usually have plans. But, I don’t say this, I love him. He’s just a very likable guy, and I’m usually thinking about my writing or my work rather than “hanging out”.
Your story hit me in a different way than I think you meant it to. I realize this as I’m rambling on about my life in a nutshell. See, people are ALWAYS treated differently because of their looks. But, it does go both ways. Now, I’m not saying that I’m not pretty. But I’m that short, stubby, too much excess weight (40 lbs) to be considered pretty kind of gal. My husband doesn’t think so, he said I’m the sexiest woman in the world, but that’s just because I have his heart. He’s sweet.
But, I’m very intelligent, even if during school, I often thought differently. I can also read people, very, very well. I was in sales for most of my career, and the friends that I do have, even distantly, will say I can sell ice to an Alaskan. I don’t think I’m that good, but some days, I’ve done well with my sales. And, it’s because I can read people without talking to them. Their body language, their expressions, whether they’re there to buy, look or ask questions.
As a kid it started. I would go to the mall with my family, because my brother was popular, so he ALWAYS wanted to go to the mall. I hated it. But, I would sit on the little round benches with fake plants in the middle and just watch people. See sadness or happiness in their eyes. Why they were at the mall. Meeting friends, secret lovers, buying things, finding love, etc.
I watched a lot of very pretty girls get looked at by very creepy guys. I always made sure they saw that I was looking, and the eye contact apparently was too much because they would get up and walk away. The girls, for some reason, never knew they were being watched. Weird. I always know when I’m being watched.
Guys would mistreat them often though. So, I knew all about your story. It happened to a friend of mine for years. We lost friendship after my first wedding, but she went to a whole new level in her life that I wasn’t going in. I tried to salvage her, but she was too far gone by the time we turned 18. Heavy into drugs, and men that were leeches. She brought one to my wedding, and he knew how I felt about him. When he attempted to talk to me, I told him that if he so much as came within 5 feet of me, I would dissect him. She hated me for that, but he was the lowest of the low.
So, yes, I’ve seen how people can treat beautiful women, and the not so beautiful. Normally, the short ones like myself, with big mouths and attitude just get a wide birth from everyone. But again, I’m okay with that. Thankfully, I haven’t been robbed, or taken advantage of, things stolen by my friends (except my leggings they love to borrow and never return). However, my brother has been robbed his whole life. Tall, dark and handsome. The opposite of me, of course! Poor guy. He’s paying the price now, and tells me everyday, he wished he listened to me more when I told him not to trust certain people. As soon as I meet them, eye contact, I already know. It’s like a weird sixth sense I have with people.
Sorry – I went on a whole different tangent than your story. But, I’m very sorry that this has happened to you. I sometimes wish there were more Me’s in the world. Helping to tell people who they can trust and who they can’t. But, there’s only one.
Best advice? Keep doing what you’re doing. Be the strong female you are, and don’t let anyone say any differently. My motto? I don’t care what you think about me. Take me, or leave me, I’ll be just fine without you. I’m fast to turn people away from my life if they shun me once. I don’t give second chances. If you hurt me, then you were never my friend in the beginning.
Be who you are, inside and out. Be proud of what this Earth gave you when you were born. And screw anyone who thinks otherwise!
Hi Katrina,
I always love your replies. I remember you telling me about your brother (in a previous comment) and how many people are taking advantage of him now. It’s important to be able to see through people. I can’t always see through people but I can usually spot a lie. Like you, my closest friends are men, not women. My boyfriend recently told me that strong women tend not to have many female friends because women in general see them as a threat and/or feel intimidated, hence the poor treatment of strong women.
Your advice is spot on, be the strong female that we are. If a friend hurts you badly, we should wonder if they were indeed ever truly our friends.
Be who you are, exactly! Always be who you are.
Thank you for your great comment!
Absolutely Christine! I actually had a friend tell me once, after a year of being friends, that she didn’t want to see me anymore. She said that I intimidated her too badly, and she no longer wanted to be friends.
I told her what an odd thing to say. Why even be friends after all this time if you felt that way. She said she never had the courage to say anything. It was really weird. So, I stopped hanging out with her. But she still called and texted to hang out. Go figure. I just politely said I was always busy.
Why would I want to be friends with someone that saw me as a threat? Intimidating? But, it’s not the first time that’s happened, and won’t the be the last either.
I will say though, that I’ve recently been around women that try to almost battle me for being the top dog…..And, what’s weird, is I see through it. It’s like they’re trying to be more confident, more blunt, but it doesn’t come out right, and they simply sound rude instead. I’ve never tried to sound rude in my overall demeanor. In fact, I try to be really polite when I’m around people. I just have a natural way of being me, that people try to overpower that, but it just isn’t their normal self, and I don’t know how I can tell that. But it just comes out as being a bitch to be blunt.
So, I steer clear of these girls. They’re the wives of my husband’s friends and I often simply say, “I don’t feel well, I’m going to stay home,” when I don’t feel like dealing with all that nonsense. And that’s exactly what it is, nonsense. They talk over me, they make little circles with me on the outside on purpose. I attempt to be involved in the conversations, but they just keep talking instead. This is usually my cue for saying, “Have a goodnight.” And I just tell my husband that I’ll see him at home. I’m always his ride, so he’ll ask how he’s getting home and I’ll say Uber.
He always asks why I leave early, and I’m frank with him. I don’t need to sit around people that don’t value me. I’m okay with my loner self. In fact, I’d rather be around my dogs than people anyways. They’re much better company.
He doesn’t understand, but he’s a social kind of guy anyways. He loves people, and I love dogs.
Hi Katrina,
I understand. What happened with your friend happened to to me with an ex-boyfriend of mine many years ago. Get this … he broke up with me, because I was “too smart”, I was intimidating, hell, I speak 6 languages. He “couldn’t compete” with that. I’m so lucky to say that now I have a boyfriend who is confident and strong, and who is not “intimidated” by me but loves my strenghts and weaknesses. I often prefer my dogs’ company too 🙂 I absolutely get what you’re saying.
Hi Christine,
It’s funny that I came across this article because my girlfriend is blonde, my sister-in-law is blonde and a few of my friends are blonde too. They are going to love this article because in the past, they have been judged for being a bit over the top when it comes to nights out and weekends 🙂
I am going to share this article with all of them and I’ll let you know what they think. I am hoping they are not going to think I am doing this for a joke because I am not. I am very serious in helping them to feel better 🙂
Thank you for sharing and keep up the great work.
All the best,
Tom
Hi Tom,
I’m grateful that there are others who will understand this article and at the same time it is a little sad that this keeps on happening. We have to stop being prejudiced and just treat each other the way we would like to be treated, right?
Thank you for sharing this!
Hi Lila, I am so sorry for all the pain that speaks out of this post. It’s awful people treat you like that and you might think there are no more nice people on this planet. There are. Really.
It’s a pity you say in your article that most won’t like it. Isn’t that a prejudice as well? People who won’t like it, aren’t going to read it.
I get upset by other people and their behavior at times as well. I am lucky enough to have a coach who puts me on my feet again: “the only one you can change is you, you can’t change other people, so don’t put your energy there. They are not worth it.”
I wish you strength and wisdom. You’re worth it. 🙂
xxx
Hi Hannie,
Very true, the only one you can change is you. I learned a long time ago not to put energy towards people who are undeserving.
When I say that most won’t like my article because it’s about blondes, I based that statement on my past experiences and treatments I received. I realize that there are many who sympathize and understand.
Thanks for your comment!
I thought so, that you base your presumption on past experiences. Yet, I have learned a valuable thing a couple of years ago:
the past is not the future.
In other words, things can always go differently. 🙂
xxx
Very true, Hannie. The past is not the future. Thank you for your wise words.